The Sustainable Solopreneur is a weekly-ish newsletter about seasonal, cyclical, supportive business strategy for solopreneurs and creative souls who want more out of life than the status quo, hosted by business coach and strategist Jenni Gritters.
A few weeks ago, I taught KNOWN, a workshop all about gene keys. Several of my beloved clients ended up with the concept of constant expansion on their charts. As in: Your job is to consistently expand. And by doing so, you give the people around you permission to do the same.
It will come as no surprise to y’all that I also have those lines on my chart. The minute I become this version of me, I feel like I’m already halfway to the next one. For years, I kept myself paused in those old seasons and versions of myself for longer than I wanted, simply because I was afraid to make waves. Growing up, I learned that my constant evolution could disrupt life for the people around me. I learned that my creative energy was something to be ashamed of, not prized. I learned that I needed to turn the dial down to be included in the crowd.
What I’ve come around to, decades later, is that staying in old seasons longer than necessary is like pouring cement into my creative channel. I stall out, struggle to figure out how to show up, and start to direct my frustration at myself. In other words, it’s actually toxic for me to block my own expansion.
Several of the women who had these lines in their gene keys charts expressed frustration about this ever-evolving persona. They asked about next steps, about the fact that people might be angry at them, and about the shame they carry related to “not being able to stay.”
I’m going to tell you what I told them:
My love.
Your expansion is always a bridge from what came before, to what comes next. What I mean is that usually, the next step between this self and your future self isn’t a reinvention. Instead, the new comes from the old. It’s an evolution. I love that the root of “evolve” means to unroll, unfurl or up-level into a higher state.
Evolution doesn’t mean abandoning what came before — it means building on what came before. So if you’re a writer who wants to take another path, it’s likely that storytelling will be central to your next season. If you’re a coach who’s ready to work with a new group of people, it’s likely that the person you work with now is also evolving into the person you want to work with next.
I’ll say it again: Everything that comes next builds on what came before.
I love this perspective because it means you’re not leaving yourself behind; instead, you’re becoming more able to hold nuance and complexity. You’re growing. You’re wrapping your arms around all of the Yous who came before and whispering kindnesses into their ears. You’re telling them that you’re ready. And because of that, they’re ready, too. They’re coming with you.
But here’s what I also know to be true: You can evolve with integrity, but you cannot force anyone to come with you, or expect that everyone will understand.
Evolving on the internet, especially if you have an audience that has learned to expect something specific from you here, can feel tricky. The hardest truth is that some people cannot evolve with you. Some people don’t want to evolve with you. Some people will even feel angry about the way things are changing. (Ask me how I know this, after dozens of iterations of self in my business!)
I find that if you don’t really feel that grief — that loss of the people who you thought might come along for the ride but won’t — you get a bit stuck. You can’t figure out what comes next. Instead, you hold the tension within you and it turns into shame.
Often, with an evolution comes a need for a good cry, and a chat with someone who knows and loves you. While that loved one cannot give you a full permission slip because they’re not living your life, it helps to get confirmation of your integrity and goodness from the people in your corner. It helps to be reminded that you’re allowed to be new every day, every year, every decade.
And the reality, too, is that it’s actually not helpful to try to control the narrative or force people to step forward with you. Rather, we get to release them from that codependency. If a client wants to evolve in the same direction? Magic. If they don’t? There’s still magic there, especially if there’s clear communication and a closing ritual of some kind. Integrity is essential in the transition moments.
The self-criticism you carry about your evolution is where you get to focus next.
So many of the multi-passionate humans I coach struggle with shame around the fact that their work “doesn’t make sense.” Meaning: I want a linear narrative! I want to be able to point to one thing and talk about how it becomes another!
I wish it wasn’t so messy, my love. But it’s the human-est of truths: There’s often no way to make it make perfect sense.
Because evolution? It’s about releasing control. Taking your clenched fists and opening them, with palms facing the sky. Letting yourself float down the river instead of trying to paddle frantically in a certain direction.
And when you release control, fear comes up. Self criticism shows up. Hence the mess. Hence the confusion.
It’s your job — your whole life’s work, really, if you’re an expander — to learn to unconditionally love this ever-changing part of yourself that so bravely moves herself towards alignment, even when it costs her a sense of security, even when it makes other people uncomfortable.
The work of your life is to have your own back, no matter what comes. (Speaking of inspiration on this: Chelsea Diane is a master of pivots and doing what’s right for herself, with no apologies.)
What I want you to remember, if you’re an expander, is this: Your path will always be your own. No one else will be able to understand it, not fully. And that’s important!
You’re a way-shower, which means you spring yourself free from traps and run out into the woods, cackling with joy. You play hooky. You build things no one else has ever seen. You cannot stay, even if they want you to.
Because you? Your whole life’s purpose is liberation. And every time you liberate yourself (even when that liberation is confronting to other people!), it creates a bright spark in the dullness — a spark those very same people will dream about, even if they don’t say anything about it right away.
Running the race your way often means you’re on a side path, or out ahead of the pack, with few people around you. But the ones who are also chasing freedom will see you. They’ll give you that slight nod, that understanding glimmer, that look of knowing. And you’ll remember that you’re not alone, even for a moment. Find those people.
My friend: We both know that you cannot stay in any longer in what’s no longer yours. You’re too honest, too full of integrity, too bold for that. But you’re built for expansion. When you close your eyes and get quiet: You will know what to do next. It will feel like a small, messy step. It will scare you. And that’s how you’ll know it’s right.
So into the next season we go, together.
xo,
Jenni
Curious about my background? I’m a writer and business coach living in Central Oregon. My goal is to teach everyone who will listen that it’s possible to build a simple, stable, successful business that supports your human needs first. Join my group coaching program, SUSTAIN, for more conversations like this (and a community of people who are all about the path less taken), or follow me on LinkedIn & Instagram.