An Experimental Update
It's been one month of leaning into my business with my husband's support. Is it working? Short answer: Yes.
Mindset Mastery is a free monthly newsletter about the psychology of small business ownership for freelance creatives from Jenni Gritters. If you’d like to support my work, I invite you to become a paid subscriber for $5/ month! Paid subscribers receive monthly journaling prompts, along with other perks.
A note about context before you start reading: I wrote the first draft of this newsletter on the last day of March 2023. At the time, it felt honest and true. Now, two weeks later, I feel a bit frustrated by how I explained my month. I bought into making more money as the answer to my problems. In short, it *really* wasn’t the answer.
Honestly, I’ve been toying with sending this newsletter out at all! But ultimately, I think you all deserve to see every bit of this rollercoaster, rather than just the exciting beginning and the clean-cut end. Running a business is messy. Scaling up is messier still. And the middle parts are really uncomfortable.
Some of my most brutal coping mechanisms — over-controlling every single element of my work, feeling so scarce that I over-earn, and working hard enough that I can’t pay attention to my feelings — started raging in mid-March, but it took me until April to see them. When I wrote this newsletter in March, I wasn’t in the reckoning just yet.
So here’s what I want to say: Read this and know that it was honest. But also know that what you’re seeing here is not a representation of a healthy mindset about money. What you’re seeing here is me coming off of the adrenaline high of meeting a really big challenge.
I’ll share much, much more about coping mechanisms, money mindsets and scarcity in my April newsletters.
Last month, I wrote about a new experiment I’m conducting in my life and business. In short, my husband took a 3-month leave of absence from his job as a critical care nurse so we could figure out if our financial limitations were, actually, limitations.
This break would mean that after four years, I could (maybe?) invest in my work in a full-hearted way because I wouldn’t be the primary parent. But I also needed to maintain my mental and physical health — and my relationship with my kids and husband — in the process. In that last newsletter I asked: Is this possible? Can I make $15-20k/ month and maintain my mental and physical health?
As part of this experiment, I’ve committed to sitting down at the end of each month and asking myself some big questions:
Is this working?
Am I happy?
Do I feel good in my body?
What do I need to change?
Below, I’m sharing my honest reflections — literally, taken from my journal — about running my business in March 2023, which was the first month of this experiment. I know these things look shiny from the outside but I promise you, they’re totally a mixed bag.
Is this working?
We opted into this experiment in large part because of our financial situation. Each month, we sat down to do our finances and felt absolutely frustrated by the fact that we weren’t saving a damn penny. (A huge part of this was paying for childcare for a second child — $3000+/ month for both kids — plus inflation.) Our hope was that by pulling my husband out of his rigid, lower-paid job, we could create more wiggle room financially because I could (hypothetically) make more money in less time.
And… it worked! In March 2023, I billed for $21,374.75. This was a huge revenue increase from February, when I billed for $11,423.63. I nearly doubled my income! And I did not double my working hours (although they did increase from 20 hours per week to about 30).
I had initially aimed to make $15,000 per month and I surpassed that goal in March, in large part because I got paid up-front for a coaching program I’m running in April and May. ADAPT has 25 people in it, each paying between $300 and $400 for the 5-week program. So even through I was paid for the program in March, keep in mind that I’ll actually do most of the work for it in the months ahead.
A large portion of this revenue — about $15,000 — came from increasing my writing workload. I did a bit of editorial consulting work, which is always well-paid. But I also took on a lot more product review assignments.
In March, I also hired three new contractors: A virtual assistant, an editorial assistant, and a subcontractor. In total, I paid these folks $1,550 in March. Given my gross income for the month, I can see how hiring people was totally worth it from a financial perspective. My editorial assistant works on product reviews, especially helping with research and ordering products. My virtual assistant is overhauling all of my coaching systems, transitioning me to new platforms and creating a marketing plan. Eventually, she’ll also run my social media. And my subcontractor helped to develop outlines for a few of my content marketing assignments.
Some wins that I’m especially proud of:
I took a week of vacation in March. And while I was gone, my business kept moving because I hired support! As a result, I didn’t see a huge revenue (or momentum) drop during that week away.
I spent time hiking with my daughter every Friday, as planned.
I met our financial needs, and we didn’t have to use money from our emergency savings account to pay our bills at the end of March.
I filled up my coaching group, ADAPT, and did some actual marketing. I hate marketing, so this was a growth edge for me.
I was able to exercise often (almost every day). I took a walk outside almost every day, too.
My relationship with my husband is a lot better as a result of him getting a much-needed break and me receiving actual support. We both feel really good about where we’re at in our marriage.
I still made time for acupuncture, massage, talk therapy and physical therapy.
I came up with a big idea for the future of my coaching business. And I took a whole morning to plan out what’s next for me, offline.
I took my toddler out for breakfast, and for a few hikes, before and after school.
I invested in hiring a coach to help me build these next steps, and hold me accountable.
Am I happy?
Yes, I’m happy. I cried with joy the first time I drove to the gym in the morning, alone. I saw the sunrise. I haven’t done this in years; usually, I have had to stay at home with my kids in the mornings, because my husband leaves for work at 5 am every day.
I feel more like my professional self than I have in years. I have huge career ideas that I’m excited about. And I’m proud of the work I did in March.
But I also feel like my answer to this question is more complex than just a “yes.” Truthfully, spending less time with my kids has been hard for me. Rationally, I’m fine with it. But emotionally, I felt unsteady. I still did many school pick-ups, remained present with them in the evenings, and played trucks with my son before school. But I missed our usual routines, and my toddler felt the change, too. The transition was a bit harder on both of us than I expected.
I also worked at a more aggressive pace than usual and it felt not-great. More on that in a moment.
Do I feel good in my body?
No. My body didn’t feel good in March. I have some chronic neck and shoulder pain, and it gets worse when I spend more time at my computer — which was necessary as part of this level up. I spent a lot of time in the evenings laying on foam rollers and begging my husband for neck massages.
We’ve been exploring bringing my husband into my business; the plan is that he’ll take over most testing for my product reviews. Eventually, he might take over the whole product review arm of the business. (He’s been helping me with this for years, anyway.) But it turns out that bringing your spouse into your business workflow is a thing. We had a few big fights about process and workflow in March. We spent our marriage therapy sessions grappling with what this all means for our family’s future and for his career. I had a panic attack associated with all of this change, and that led to days of jaw pain and some nightmares, which made sleeping tough. There are a lot of new boundaries to set. It’s a huge learning curve. (Truthfully, I wouldn’t say that this was net-bad, but it was challenging from a mental and physical standpoint.)
I also had to break up with a client this month, and that sucked. It was the right move for my business but it had a real drag factor in terms of my efficiency earlier in the month. I felt pretty sick when I was managing that relationship; my fear looked like nausea, and I desperately wanted to just hide in my bed for a few days.
What do I need to change?
Adding contractors into my business has been a learning curve. I’ve had to change my schedule so I can make time to delegate each morning. And I’ve had to let go of control, too. In April, I want to use this support more efficiently, because I think I’m holding myself back due to wanting to be in control.
I also watched the quality of my work drop just a bit during the week before my vacation. I had to fit a lot of work into a small segment of time; it was a sprint. This quality drop made sense, but I could have planned ahead a bit better. In April and May, I want to set more reasonable expectations for myself, too. Making $20,000+ in 3 weeks was more than I bargained for. I don’t need to hit that high number (and I don’t think it’s smart for me to hit that high number, if I want to do this for the long haul).
I also craved more time to build up my coaching business. That’s my long-game, so spending a lot of time on product reviews felt frustrating. In fact, I felt like I had way too many product reviews on my to-do list in general. However, those product reviews are paying the bills right now so they have to stay in the mix. I’m exploring this balance with my therapist and coach, to see if I can hit the middle of the teeter-totter a bit more often in April and May.
TL;DR
What does this all mean? In short: The experiment is working. And it’s also really challenged me — that’s what a level-up does. I’m constantly at the threshold of discomfort. My little rituals (like walks outside, exercising, morning pages, and beyond) have become extra important.
In March, I held my line in terms of time with my kids, managing my physical health, and getting outside. But the novelty, while awesome, was also kind of bizarre. Now that this is starting to feel more “normal,” I’ll need to keep holding those lines. (It feels like the slow erosion of those boundaries could happen all too easily.)
I hit my financial benchmarks in March with room to spare. But to make this sustainable, I need to ask for more help and expect less from myself, in terms of financial and productivity goals.
The big take-away, for me, is that asking for help is both necessary and incredibly hard. It takes me a long time to trust someone else with my work. But if I want to bring in a lot of money while still maintaining my health and relationships, I can’t do this alone. The more I delegate, the more my business grows, the healthier I become.
I’m proud of what I’ve done. And I’ll keep you posted about what I learn — and how I feel — in April!
xo,
Jenni
Curious about my background? I’m a writer and business coach based in Central Oregon. I have two small children and I work part-time so I can spend a lot of time with them. Lately, I’ve been obsessed with non-linear business building and teaching people how to build successful businesses that support their human needs first. Check out my coaching offerings here and follow me on Twitter & Instagram!