I didn't want my manager's job
How to get yourself out of an existential doubt-filled career crisis
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I remember the specific moment that my career crisis began. I was a few years out of journalism graduate school, working my second full-time media job as an editor. I was working long days and feeling burned out. But when I looked at the people who were “ahead” of me in the hierarchy – the editors in chief, the managing editors – I felt nauseated.
I didn’t want their jobs.
I didn’t want the bureaucracy, the drama, the pinched budgets, the long hours, the constant layoffs, or the pressure of making big decisions.
It seemed like things got worse as you moved up, not better. I didn’t want to be them.
So what was I doing? If the goal was to slowly climb the career ladder… I didn’t want that. If the goal was telling incredible stories that impacted people, with time to do deep research and change lives… my current situation also didn’t allow for that, and moving up in the ranks wouldn’t solve that problem, either.
I hate games. I hate systems built to make you move slowly, where you have to wait your turn to do your best work. I hate hierarchies and politics and bureaucracy.
And somehow, I’d gotten into a long-term career relationship with exactly these things.
When I got laid off in 2018, it was a welcome opportunity to examine all of these questions. I sat down with my notebook, day after day, searching for answers. And slowly, the answers started coming.
I realized that my values of freedom, creative challenge and impact were not being met in my previous jobs. I needed to find a job that would fit those needs if I wanted to be satisfied with my career long-term. (Why don’t they teach us to choose a career based on our life priorities and values when we’re 18??)
After months of research into other industries like teaching, human resources, non-profit work, communications, and beyond, I realized that I could keep creating journalism. I could keep writing. But I needed to do it on my own terms, in a way that enabled me to have freedom of time, and freedom of choice about my projects and clients. I needed creative challenge, which would end up coming both from how I constructed my business and the projects I chose to work on with my clients. And I needed to be able to see the impact of my work on individual people; that one took a while to figure out, but it started to become clearer when I co-founded The Writers’ Co-op in 2018, then became a business coach.
I didn’t want to be a freelancer because I thought it was cool or impressive. I wanted to work for myself because it was the best possible way to make sure my values could come alive on a daily basis.
Alignment is a squishy word. But at its base level, it means: Are you living your life in accordance with what you care about most? That existential career doubt, the dread you feel on Sunday nights, the sweat and headaches that show up after an interview for a job you don’t really want – those are signs of mis-alignment. It means your values and your needs aren’t getting met.
This is why I start everyone I coach with values work. It’s the cornerstone for a long-term relationship with your career that keeps you healthy.
If you’re in the muck of existential doubt about an industry that’s falling apart, a career that’s not serving you, a client who fills you with dread: I see you. If you’re a paying subscriber, you have access to my DIY Biz Kit column, which contains a values exercise. Dive into your values, stat.
Because the best way out of existential career angst is to ask: What value of mine is not getting met?
Then: Can you get that value met within the situation where you currently stand? If not, it’s time to make some moves.
Xo,
Jenni
Curious about my background? I’m a writer and business coach based in Central Oregon. I have two small children and I work part-time so I can spend a lot of time with them. Lately, I’ve been obsessed with non-linear business building and teaching people how to build successful businesses that support their human needs first. Check out my coaching offerings here, follow me on Twitter & Instagram, or download my free business plan for creatives!