Letting your uniqueness shine in your marketing

How to nudge yourself onto the risky ledge

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If you come from a generationally traumatized family like mine, you might always be trying not to be noticed. When you’ve been hurt, disappearing feels much safer. But what if you’ve chosen a career path where you’ll need to be noticed publicly if you want to succeed?

Let’s dig in.

When I was a kid, my family norms were clear: We don’t let other people see what’s really going on. Often, my friends would say to me, “Your family seems so perfect!” I’d agree, not letting on to the many (normal, human) struggles we were each going through.

Even now, I can feel this lineage echoing in my behaviors: When I go to a restaurant, I hesitate to ask them to adapt my meal. When I’m on public transportation, I try to keep my body as still as possible to avoid notice. I find myself attempting to keep my kids quiet when we’re out in public, and I rarely get up to go to the bathroom during a movie, lest I disturb everyone around me. I try to avoid going to parties where I’m afraid I’ll offend someone if I need to leave early.

In short, my nervous system’s thermostat is set to this belief: Make sure no one notices you, and you’ll stay safe.

But here’s the issue: I’m currently making moves in my life to become more public. I want to share the big ideas I have about building sustainable, humanity-focused, anti-capitalist, anti-hustle, inherently feminine businesses. I deeply believe that these teachings are revolutionary. And rationally, I can 100% get behind this added exposure! I’m incredibly passionate about helping people feel more free. I love working with self-employed creatives and watching them blossom into empowered, purpose-driven entrepreneurs.

However, my nervous system still tends toward screaming when I start to market my offerings more heavily. Why have I never published a reel? Why am I hesitant to show up more on social media? Why do I shy away from posting about my work all over the place, and telling my friends about it? Because deep-down, my system sees those actions as completely unsafe. They introduce a risk that my childhood self is not sure we can survive.

This is why marketing is hard for so many of us. It’s not just about posting on social media, or sharing your work in a newsletter. It’s not just about getting more email subscribers or creating content that resonates with thousands of people. Marketing is about putting yourself out into the world, authentically, and opening yourself up to the risks that come along with exposure.

So many of us have been taught to be quiet and small, especially when it comes to what makes us different. From an evolutionary standpoint, this makes sense: We are a communal species, and differences could mean getting “removed” from the pack.

But we also know that authenticity is evolutionarily advantageous. Think about it: When someone is acting awkward, or their content online feels stilted, we’re less attracted to it. Why? Because we can almost smell the lack of authenticity. And historically, honesty has been important to our species because it shows us who we can trust. Our survival has depended upon joining up with people we can trust. Humans love true stories and authentic, brave people because we feel like we can trust them. Trust keeps us safe.

In short, being ourselves — truly, authentically, intentionally — in our marketing matters. I will never forget coaching Emma Diehl (you can listen to the live session here) and listening to her land on what she felt was the truest description of her work at the time: “I have a taste for boring.”

She’d been feeling ashamed of her love of boring topics but when she decided to lean into it, something unlocked. When I talked to her six months later, she had more work than she knew what to do with. That’s because she was being authentic in her marketing. Her website showed who she was, in all her unique glory. Clients were massively attracted to that. When she stopped being for everyone and started being clear about who she was and what she wanted, her marketing stopped feeling “icky” and started flowing. She was free to be herself and talk about what she actually wanted to work on.

Our desires change and we’ll need to adapt our marketing language over and over again to accommodate that. But if I know anything, I know this: Unlocking your uniqueness and feeling free to express it is one of the KEYS to finding work that resonates with you. It’s a cornerstone of sustainable business building.

And yes, this is easier said than done.

If you need me, you’ll find me over here battling to let my authentic self out while also listening, gently, to the force inside me that wants to keep her hidden. I know that my little kid self has the best intentions; she’s protective and she’s scared. My work, and yours too, is to self-soothe and take risks, slowly, from a grounded place.

The world needs what’s real.

Sending love,

Jenni

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Curious about my background? I’m a writer and business coach based in Central Oregon. I have two small children and I work part-time so I can spend a lot of time with them. Lately, I’ve been obsessed with non-linear business building and teaching people how to build successful businesses that support their human needs first. Check out my coaching offerings here and follow me on Twitter & Instagram!