Separating your work from your identity
Michele Jaret on why business is an inside-out job
The Sustainable Solopreneur is a weekly newsletter about seasonal, cyclical, supportive business strategy for solopreneurs and creative souls who want more out of life than the status quo, hosted by business coach and strategist Jenni Gritters.
Psst: I sneaky launched a fun little mini-program this week called KNOWN. Think: soul-level understandings about who you are, what you’re meant to do, and what it looks like to operate with your unique energy and skillsets.
What if the key to sustainable success isn't another marketing strategy or productivity hack, but a complete reframe of how you see yourself and your work?
Michele Jaret discovered this truth during a spiritual awakening at 27 that led her to quit her successful advertising career and embark on a 12-year freelancing journey. Now a coach for creative, sensitive entrepreneurs, Michele helps people move beyond "survival mode" business practices and into work that flows naturally from who they truly are.
In short: Michele and I have very similar perspectives and thoughts about how to run a business without abandoning yourself and your soul. I think you’ll love this one!
In this conversation, we dive deep into the inner work of entrepreneurship, including how to separate your identity from your work, why the business world's obsession with growth often backfires, and practical ways to build the internal support structures that make freelance life not just sustainable, but liberating. Enjoy!
Michele, how would you describe your work right now?
It’s amazing for me to say this now, because it has been a work in progress for quite some time, but my work has truly become an extension of who I am at my core: my gifts, my passions, my calling.
I want this for everyone, but I also know that it doesn’t happen overnight. In my experience, work/life optimization is a path, not a one-time change. Navigating this path can feel scary because for creative, sensitive types like us, there’s often a good reason why we chose to hide behind a more “buttoned-up” corporate role, for example. We probably didn’t always feel safe to express our gifts or authenticity, whether that was because the world reflected a different version of power and success, or because our family systems guided us in a different direction, or something else. When this is the case, stepping forward and saying, “I think I have something valuable to offer the world…as myself,” can feel vulnerable.
In terms of what I offer and who I serve, I mentor and coach freelancers, and would-be freelancers. I offer support for people who are actively making the transition from full-time to freelance. We cover all of the practical steps, as well as the mental and emotional reframing that is often overlooked, but so crucial! Additionally, I support current freelancers in navigating the practical and emotional side of life without a steady paycheck. This looks like helping people build the necessary internal support structures to graduate beyond the level of “grinding and stressing about getting jobs,” and onto the level of “now, how do I want my work and life to look?” When that happens, everything opens up, and we get to truly enjoy the massive perks of freelance life.
Tell us about your unique path to entrepreneurship. How did you arrive here? What drew you to the non-traditional working world?
To put it candidly, I had a spiritual awakening at the age of 27. The short story is that I was intensely committed to building a successful career as an advertising creative. At that time I was working full-time in an ad agency in New York City, and having a lot of success. (Huge awards, promotions, etc.) At the same time, I was becoming increasingly anxious and depressed. That dissonance between what I thought was “correct,” and how it made me feel on the inside cracked something open for me.
Within 2 weeks of that “awakening,” I quit my job and became a freelancer. From that moment on, I was on a spiritual path toward coming home to who I really am, while creating a working life that honored those gifts. The result has been an incredible 12-year freelance + personal growth journey. About 3 years ago, this path led me to begin coaching and mentoring others like me. It has been so rewarding to see others come home to themselves, too. I believe that this is what we are all meant to do, one way or another.
We have similar perspectives about business being an inside-out job. Can you tell me more about how you arrived at this perspective, and how it shows up in the work you do?
When I had my awakening, one of my realizations was that I had been looking toward my career to make me into someone successful and valuable. It was an outside-in pursuit, in that I had an image of who I needed to be in order to get the validation I thought I needed to get love, and to survive financially. This was all subconscious, of course. And, at the root of it, there was a belief that who I really am at my core was flawed or wrong.
The coaching journey allows us to look at where these subconscious beliefs come from, and then dissolve them. When that happens, we can start to see ourselves in a more empowering light. Who I truly am turns out to be all I need to be to do the work in the world that I am here to do. This is the inside-out approach to career, but it requires that we first make contact with the True Self, so to speak. When that happens, we find that we are actually being guided from within toward the life and career that really lights us up, and truly suits our needs. This is where the fun starts.
I love what you shared with me recently about untying your identity from your work. If you could, please share more about why this is so important for mental health, and how you walk people through this process.
As kids, we were always asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” There is an implication there that we are meant to go out and become someone else, and that when we do, we will have “arrived” in some way.
The problem, of course, is that we cannot actually become someone else—and, we never needed to. So, when career success is tied to “who we can become as people,” it’s like the dangling carrot that we can never actually reach. Work will always fluctuate. There will be good days and bad days. Markets change. In other words, there is no ultimate “arrival,” which means that as long as our identity hinges on “getting somewhere,” we’ll never be good enough.
The antidote, I believe, is to begin to breathe life into the non-work aspects of life, so that we can get to know who we are as humans, not just as workers. Incidentally, when we can begin to see ourselves as we already are—good enough, brilliant in our own ways and uniquely gifted with a purpose to serve—”work” does start to flow forth from us in a very natural way, almost as a painting comes forth from a painter. Still, though, the painting is not the identity of the painter, and I think that is very important to remember.
What does the "standard biz world" get wrong about growth & business success, in your mind?
By and large, it seems that many people are approaching career and business from “survival mode.” This is not just an interesting phrase, this is an actual nervous system state in which the body believes that its very survival is at stake.
When this happens, cortisol and adrenaline are released into the bloodstream, signaling the body to do several things: our focus narrows to only survival-based thoughts and actions, and all non-essential bodily processes are shut down, so that the we have the extra energy necessary for running or fighting for our lives. Since that usually happens while we’re sitting in front of a computer, or at a Zoom meeting, that extra energy and narrowed focus has nowhere to go, and ends up feeling like stress, tension, anxiety and fear.
All of this happens mostly unconsciously for people, which means the extra energy never gets discharged. Instead, it loops in the body, creating more fear, which in turn signals that there is still a threat present. This keeps the release of cortisol going, putting us in a chronic loop of fear and stress, making “survival mode” feel like “business as usual.” We forget what it’s like to actually just be good, and the narrowed focus makes it impossible to imagine what else could be available for us outside of just “getting by.”
I think a lot of business advice and conversation has “survival” at the root of it. You see this in the constant push for higher dollar amounts, and the fear-based conversations around AI and the ominous changes to the markets that threaten our job security. The business landscape has always changed and evolved, and always will. Humans adapt, but we won’t have the creativity, motivation and excitement to make those adaptations if we’re stuck in survival mode.
This has been a tough year for a lot of solopreneurs: consultants, freelancers, small biz owners. What has helped you keep things afloat?
One of the gifts of working as a freelancer for 12 years is that I have done this through so many different business climates. I was a freelancer when advertising was booming. I was a freelancer through COVID when work was practically non-existent. I was a freelancer when I moved across the country, leaving behind my entire client base in New York, before remote work was a thing.
Over the years, I have found that there is a ground underneath this whole experience, and work isn’t the ultimate ground we’re standing on. When the client base we think is sustaining us goes away, it turns out we’re still being supported—we just have to learn how to feel into and receive that deeper support.
When I don’t have much work, I have found that there is always something else there asking for my attention. When I am willing to shift my attention to that “something else,” this open “non-work” time off becomes a gift. I believe that when we can expand our definition of what is “our work to do,” we find that we are always being given the time and space to take care of what’s most important. And, that’s not always earning money.
Now, here’s the practical piece: I have found that the only way we can really allow ourselves to trust what I said above, is to have a really clear eye on our finances, or “our numbers,” as I call them.
When we run our numbers in a systematic way, i.e. tracking how much we need for every season of our lives, and tracking what we have coming in, we can comfortably say, “Ok, I’m safe. It’s okay if I am not on a job for 2 weeks, for 2 months, etc.” Or, we may find out that we are living in a way that we can’t actually support with the income at hand. In either case, we need this information in order to be able to do something about it. Not from fear, but from personal power. This is what it really means to “be your own boss.”
Do you have any predictions you'd like to share about where business is going, with AI and economic unrest in the mix?
Life is always unfolding exactly as it’s supposed to for our highest good—even when it doesn’t look like it at the moment. I’m a growth person, which means that I use every single life experience as a vehicle to evolve into greater ownership of my personal power, freedom and authentic expression. Sometimes this looks like getting the things I think I want, but sometimes it looks like my entire world crashing down around me, because those things were ultimately too small for where I am headed.
Life is always going to “life,” so to speak. For that reason, it’s good to have some kind of spiritual outlook, or at least a guiding philosophy that you can lean on internally when things look unstable externally. Even something like, “I have always figured it out, and I trust myself to continue to do so,” or “I know I’ve got my own back,” can help to stabilize you.
What advice would you give to someone who's feeling stuck about what comes next, or scared to step out of an identity that has been mostly tied to work?
First, I would say that I totally get it, and I understand that this can feel really challenging.
The other thing I would say is “congratulations!” Usually, this sense of fear and stuckness is just us becoming more aware of where we’re misaligned with what’s really best for us. Awareness is always the first step, and although it may not feel like it, that awareness means that you are ready to start the shift.
The good news is that you don’t have to fling yourself off of a cliff without a parachute to make that shift, which is probably what your nervous system, or fear voice is anticipating.
In terms of practical steps, I suggest tuning inwardly, and begin to notice what one step seems to be calling you from within. It will feel like a pull to go to sign up with a particular coach, or a pull to go check out a particular kind of yoga or art class. When we’re working with the internal guidance system, we get the steps one at a time. It can be very gentle. If the fear voice comes in and says you have to make a drastic, terrifying change all at once, just name it as the fear voice, and return to the question, “what is the single next step I am being called to right now.”
If you can’t access that right now, that’s ok. Do a brain dump, wherein you journal out all of your thoughts, fears, ideas, to-do’s, questions and concerns. Underneath all of that, you’ll likely get a hit of clarity on what gets to happen next.
If clarity is still hard to access, go ahead and get the support of a coach or mentor. We are not meant to do this all alone, and there is no reason to stay stuck indefinitely.
Michele Jaret is a career freelancer and career coach to freelancers, would-be freelancers and other sensitive & creative post-corporate types transitioning to a more authentically aligned work-life.
Her own freelance career has been a 12-year journey of “incremental optimization,” resulting in work that stems from her true gifts, and a life that feels wholly her own. These days, Michele has a part-time homebase on an island in Georgia, and spends the rest of her time living nomadically.
Current Programs + Offers:
Connect with Michele on Instagram.
Curious about my (Jenni’s) background? I’m a writer and business coach living in Central Oregon. My goal is to teach everyone who will listen that it’s possible to build a simple, stable, successful business that supports your human needs first. Join my group coaching program, SUSTAIN, for more conversations like this (and a community of people who are all about the path less taken), and follow me on LinkedIn & Instagram.