The Real Reasons We Procrastinate
Repeat after me: Procrastination is normal!
We’re running straight into the mucky stuff today, y’all: Let’s talk about procrastination. When we procrastinate, we delay or postpone something we want to do. Procrastination means moving the same to-do list item from today’s list, to tomorrow’s list, to next week’s list. It’s feeling so frustrated and ashamed that you finally abandon the idea altogether, full of regret.
I haven’t met a freelancer who doesn’t procrastinate. For me, it’s personal essays. I want to write them! But when push comes to shove, I don’t make concrete plans for how to write them. Thus, they never get done.
Here’s another procrastination story from a client I recently worked with; let’s call her Joelle. She arrived at her first session with big dreams about leveling-up in her business. Specifically, she wanted to make more money because her current clients weren’t paying well. But every time she sat down to email clients who might be able to pay her more, she got stuck. She found herself scrolling Instagram and cleaning her office and walking the dog instead. This is procrastination at it’s finest; when we’re procrastinating, we’ll find any reason to delay facing the work in front of us.
Today I want to talk about why.
First, I know procrastination can cause a lot of shame — and that shame totally makes sense! We’re not showing up for ourselves in the best possible way. We have big dreams we want to accomplish, but we’re not actually putting the work toward building those dreams. That can make us feel like we aren’t good enough, like maybe our lack of movement is a personal failing.
I’m here to tell you that procrastination does NOT reveal a personal failing. Or if it is a personal failing, it’s one we all have. Procrastination is a reasonable response to the brick wall that’s standing between you and the thing you want. It’s not about you, it’s about being blocked. But if you want to actually build that thing, or write that book, or make moves towards your goals, it’s important to try to figure out why you’re getting stuck.
Here are some of the most common reasons for procrastination:
You don’t have enough information. So often, we’re trying to move toward a goal but we don’t have enough information about how to take a next step. For example, Joelle needed to get clear on who she was emailing about more lucrative work. She didn’t have a list of potential clients so whenever she sat down at her computer to write those emails, she felt stuck and walked away again. To write more personal essays, I need a plan. I need to know who’s taking the kind of essays I want to write. Then I need a pitch guide and an editor’s contact information.
Ask yourself: What information do I need to help myself move past this block?
You’re trying to make too big of a leap. So often, we put pressure on ourselves to jump from step 1 to step 10. We think that we need to move from getting paid $300/ article to $3,000, right way. We need to get from a chaotic schedule to a well-groomed schedule, stat. We need to just freaking create the thing now! Those high expectations get us stuck.
Imagine a ladder: If you’re starting to climb, you wouldn’t step from the first rung to the tenth in one go. Instead, you’d go from step one to step two, and two to three, and maybe three to five if you’re ready to take a risk. But progress is incremental. Expecting Herculean progress from yourself can actually stop you from making progress altogether.
Ask yourself: How can I take one small step toward my goal?
You’re afraid, and the fear is slowing your momentum. This is such a valid block! Progress is scary. Reaching your goals is scary. The more you want something, the more you care about the results and the more you have to lose. The more you care, the most risky creation feels. Fear is an incredibly reasonable response to creating something you care about, or to pushing yourself forward in your business. I’m here to tell you that fear doesn’t go away, either; as a business owner, it’s your job to learn to dance with the fear. Some people create fear journals. Some people have rituals they enact when they feel afraid. And some people see fear as proof that they are doing something exactly right. If they’re really scared, it’s proof that they really want to reach that goal.
But that’s the key: You have to do something with your fear. Interact with it, feel it, talk to it. Otherwise, it’ll look like a terrifying wall and you’ll stop working immediately.
Ask yourself: What am I afraid of? Do I want to move forward anyway?
You’re protecting yourself. Like fear, this is a very valid response to doing something new. When you take a risk, your brain immediately tries to protect you from stepping out. The key here is understanding what your brain is trying to protect you from. What’s the risk? What could potentially happen? And are you willing to (maybe) pay that cost, to get where you want to be?
We have to step out of the safe zone if we want to make progress. That’s just a fact. So again, this block is a sign that you’re moving toward what you want. But you’ll have to soothe yourself (I find that it helps to talk to myself like I would talk to a toddler) and move forward despite the fear and instinct to protect.
Ask yourself: What consequences am I willing to endure to get what I want?
You had a bad experience in the past. So often, we’ve tried to reach our goals before. Sometimes, it doesn’t work out. And if you’ve had a tough experience in the past related to these goals, you may find it even more difficult to get out of procrastination mode. Your desire to make this new thing isn’t in doubt— but when it comes to practically creating it, the risk feels incredibly high. Again, this is a valid (and protective) response! But if you want to create despite these fears (which I know you do), you’ll need to get in touch with how this time could be different.
Ask yourself: How am I different from the person I was when I tried this the first time around? What new, potential outcomes are possible now?
The goal is a “should” not a “want.” Should is could with shame attached and we are all susceptible to chasing goals we think we should achieve. This is especially common when it comes to publishing content at a big-name publication, or upping income levels. Often, we think we should accomplish these things, so we add them to our to do list. But when it comes to actually executing them, we can’t. That’s because they aren’t our goals; they never were. They belong to someone else. In coaching, we call this the difference between internal and external desires. Check in with yourself about where the desire to create this new thing is coming from. And if it’s not yours, let it go. That procrastination delay is telling you something important.
Ask yourself: Who’s goal is this?
Procrastination is a sign that we need to dig for more information. If you really want to create something but you’re delaying, the question is: What’s keeping you stuck?
Chances are, it’s something really valid. But until you create awareness around that drag, you won’t be able to move forward.
Let’s consider my personal essay goal: If I dig deep, I can identify that my procrastination is likely because of a mix of the above reasons. (Most are.) I’m scared to put my personal words out there because I’ve been burned before. I need more practical information about who to pitch, and where. And in many ways, that personal essay goal is one I feel that I should be chasing. If I’m honest, I do want to publish these essays — but not often. The pace I’m working at right now, works for me.
Joelle’s procrastination was telling her that her expectations of herself were way too high. She felt pressure to jump from step one to step 10 in a short time. And that made her feel so overwhelmed that she couldn’t even get started. How could she win a losing battle?
In both cases, awareness can help us set new goals that feel practical and within reach. Joelle decided to work on progressing from a one to a two; when we framed it that way, she could easily define her next steps (building a potential client list and creating an email template). She wasn’t stuck anymore; she could get to work. And I decided to just keep doing what I’m doing, but without shame. I don’t need to be writing a million essays right now. Maybe someday I’ll have more space for it but right now, this pace works for me.
This month, paying members will receive journaling exercises to help you tap into the motivation behind your goals. You’ll also do some work to identify what that procrastination is telling you.
Procrastination is a flag begging us to stop and check in. It contains multitudes. And chances are, you probably have patterns of procrastination around certain tasks; this is rarely a stand-alone affair. When we want to move forward and we get stuck, we have to figure out what’s going on. Then we can build a ramp, or buy new shoes, to get us out of the mud.
Keep going,
Jenni