Your Success Matrix
A "should" is a "hell no."
Mindset Mastery is a free monthly newsletter about the psychology of small business ownership for freelance creatives from Jenni Gritters. If you’d like to support my work, I invite you to become a paid subscriber for $5/ month! Up until recently, paid subscribers have received monthly journaling prompts alongside my free newsletter. (This will still be the case in January.) But I’m rethinking this strategy for the year ahead and would love your feedback. How can I best serve you? Fill out the survey here.
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Freelance editor Ami came to me with a request: She wanted to write an e-book about freelancing. It was a goal that seemed to make a lot of sense from a practical perspective. She’d been freelancing for a decade and had a lot of wisdom to share. She also had a lot of followers on social media, and had recently started teaching workshops about how to pitch editors, too. She wanted to know: Could I help her figure out how to launch the e-book without burning out?
I signed her up for a month of coaching and we started to dig into this goal. First, we looked at her vision for her business: She wanted a lean operation that provided her with quality client relationships, a calm mood, and lots of time to do things other than work (like garden, go on long walks, and play pickleball).
We talked about what she cared about in her business and life: Making enough money to pay her bills and save, being seen as a trusted expert by her clients, and feeling generally able to manage her depression symptoms.
Next, we audited her clients: Some were working well for her, and some of the relationships were feeling a little stale because of low pay and internal drama.
Then I asked: What does your version of success look like, this year?
Her answer: “I think I should probably try to hit six figures of income this year. I should publish that e-book so I can have some passive revenue. And I should probably hire an assistant to help me. I should probably diversify my services too, right?”
That tell-tale word: SHOULD. As one of my wonderful IPEC teachers told me last year: “Should” is “could” with shame attached.
The freelance and small business industries are full of practical “shoulds” — ways to market, structure our businesses and days, and scale up. But in my work as a coach, I’ve found that a “should” is the absolute LAST thing you should follow. When that word pops up, you’re usually talking about an obligation, not a heart’s desire. If you pursue that obligation, it runs counter to your internal needs; over time, this misalignment causes burnout.
Ami’s answer to my question about success was telling because it included very few of the things she cared about. She loved having a lean business. She loved working in a calm manner. She loved being out of the limelight. In the bigger picture, her version of business success was completely tied to her mental health. Any business she built needed to support her. Hitting six figures, hiring someone else, and creating robust passive revenue streams were smart moves — but they were unlikely to map with what she truly wanted unless she hacked away at them slowly.
Today’s newsletter is focused on defining your own version of success. The freelance industry is loud about what outward success “should” look like: Making a lot of money, having high visibility on social media, working efficiently, being courted by high-profile clients and rarely (if ever) experiencing slow periods of work.
Here’s the catch: Absolutely none of those “rules” provide us with a slam-dunk for fulfillment. When we chase these external wins, or we define each month’s successes based on how much money we make, we often end up feeling empty and disappointed. To actually run a business that serves you, you need to look within yourself and figure out what success looks like for you. Not for anyone else.
The challenge here is that our heart’s desires — our unique versions of success — are often not shiny, or Instagrammable, or particularly inspiring to others. Often they involve things like slowing down our work pace, feeling well in our bodies, sleeping soundly, going on daily walks, and making an income that supports our lives. Sure, there are seasons when success looks like launching companies and projects, making tons of money, and being outspoken. But for the most part, that’s external stuff. Over time, it fades.
This year, I took the time to define my version of success as part of my year-end business planning. I invite you to do that, too. Here’s what I wrote:
“Success in 2023 looks like being able to stay emotionally regulated versus feeling flooded. It’s being present with and connected to my people. It’s listening to my body, having permission to be where I am on any given day, and working in a way that’s full of integrity. Success is teaching, connecting and learning. Success is time outdoors, making the money I need to make, and exploring my creative impulses as they arise.”
Once we focused on Ami’s internal desires versus external pressures, she decided that her version of success was about running a business that gave her a lot of time away from work. Success was afternoons in the garden. Success was walking her dog. Success was being able to use her toolkit to support her depression. And yes, it was also making enough money to pay her bills.
Based on this, she adapted her 2023 business plan: She would keep her current clients, except for the ones who felt dramatic. This would mean finding one or two new clients. In 2023, Ami would start working on an ebook slowly, for just an hour or so every week. She would be fine with making $60,000/ year because she was working part-time. She didn’t want to hire anyone to help her. She wanted to prioritize peace.
She turned these aspects of success into a checklist that she revisited at the end of each month. If she made $5,000, had time to walk her dog and garden, worked part-time, did a bit of work on that e-book, felt peaceful, and saw that she’d been able to support her depression, she would say that month was a success. In summary, success, for Ami, was about so much more than visibility and income.
Today, and always, you have permission to define business success however the hell you want. Someone else’s successes will not look or feel the same as yours. You are allowed to build something that looks weird. (Honestly, the weirder your business is and the more it breaks away from the norm, the more closely it’s probably aligned to your desires — so bravo, you.) You are allowed to say no to “rules” that make you cringe. You can take the “shoulds” as a hard pass. You can make your own rulebook.
You started your own business for a reason. Now, you’re the CEO. You choose the company culture, priorities and schedule. Those needs will change year-over-year, but today I invite you to define a successful 2023. Then, build a business that supports that. Measure your monthly progress against that.
Paid subscribers will get an opportunity to create a business rulebook for themselves, based on what they care about most. If you haven’t yet signed up, I hope you will:
I’d also love your feedback about paid subscription add-ons in 2023. You can fill out a very quick survey here!
Meanwhile, I’m cooking up newsletters for this upcoming year on topics like managing constraints, moving from being reactive to proactive, how to market yourself in a way that feels aligned, and changing your context to support creativity. All of these newsletters are backed in psychological research with a focus on practical stories and tips that you can use right away.
Sending you permission to be uniquely you in 2023,
Jenni
Looking for support while you build a unique business?
Good news: I’m launching a coaching group just for you! It’ll run for about a month this spring, and will be focused on how to build a business while dealing with constraints. (Think: caregiving, or living with mental and physical chronic illness, disability, or neurodivergence, and beyond.)
I’m still noodling on the curriculum, but email me if this sounds interesting and I’ll put you on the waitlist! You’ll be the first to get all the info when I launch the group in the coming weeks.