Realigning priorities

When you feel out of whack

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In late May, I started to feel some chafey energy related to my work. I wrote about how I was going to take June off from this space, to try to rest.

But truthfully, it wasn’t rest I needed. During the month of June, I spent five days in New Hampshire, then another eight on the Oregon Coast. By the time I got home, I felt like a shell of myself. My anxiety was higher than it’s been in months. And eventually, I realized that it wasn’t just exhaustion (although that’s part of it — I have a 2 and 4.5-year-old children)

Rather, it was a problem with my priorities. Over the past six months, I’d slipped out of alignment just slightly. The frustration I felt about stepping back into my work in May and June wasn’t about the work itself. It was about the ways I was honoring (and ignoring) my relationship with myself, my friends, my kids and my husband.

After I had my son, I spent months tangling with my priorities. Before becoming a caretaker and experiencing extreme illness, I didn’t really have to think about my priorities. Truthfully, there was time for all of them! But after experiencing PTSD and extreme burn out, I finally listened to my therapist and made a priority list. The one I made in 2020 still stands.

My priorities are:

• Myself (my health — mental, physical and spiritual; my creativity; my connection to nature)

• My marriage (adventure and date time together; genuine connection sans-kids)

• My kids (present time with them, making sure they are safe and healthy)

• My community (friends and extended family)

• My work (my business and career planning)

This list means that if I need to make a choice between caring for myself and going out with friends, I’ll choose myself. If I need to work on a business-related project but one of my kids is struggling or sick, I’ll choose them.

This list makes decisions easier and helps me quickly snap things into perspective if I’m spinning. I also recognize that even having a list that looks like this is a total Third Door. This is what it looks like to have a life-first business: My work is at the bottom of the list. It still matters to me very much (it’s still a priority!) but when my business is thriving, it’s typically because the rest of the list of in order.

Life. First.

(Your homework for today is to make one of these lists if you don’t have one.)

When I got back from traveling a few weeks ago, I realized that my priorities had gotten scrambled. In May and June, the list looked more like: work, my kids, me, my marriage, my community. And that didn’t feel great. It felt like an older version of me had taken the reins.

I also felt overstimulated because I wasn’t getting my needs met and I started to resent the role work was playing in my life. Granted, I wasn’t fully at burnout yet — and I consider it a win that I even noticed this happening in advance! But I still needed some recalibration.

Here’s how I shifted back into alignment:

• I used my calendar as a tool to create space. I blocked my Mondays and Thursdays off for deep creative work and made sure to write in hikes and workouts. I scheduled Wednesday farmer’s market dates and bought a yoga punch card. All of it went on my calendar.

• I had a chat with my husband about prioritizing our relationship again. We both acknowledged that our conversations have gotten way too work-heavy (a downside of running a business together) and we needed more time to play. So we found a local babysitter for the summer, booked some concert tickets for a local venue and made a date night bucket list. Last week, we went line dancing!

• I backed off on the expectations I have of myself as a parent. This one felt big. I let go of strict bedtime assumptions. I let go of them needing a bath every night. I let go of being the most on top of it ever and having a clean house. I let go of worrying about my daughter’s diet. I even delayed our plan to potty train because I need to put a little more of my focus on myself first, so my gas tank is filled up. All I’m expecting of myself this month is to spend present, adventurous time with my kids.

• I planned more friend dates. I’d also mostly dropped friend hangs off my calendar in the midst of work ramping up and us traveling, so I started inviting my friends to spend time with me again.

As you can see, a lot of this was about making intentional plans and changing my expectations.

Just one week into July, I feel much more settled. I spent this past weekend with friends and family, floating in rivers and trail running with my husband. My nervous system is calmer because I’m showing up for myself and meeting my own needs, first. And, wouldn’t you know it, my brain is full of work-related ideas because I’m back in alignment.

So let this be a reminder to you that if you’re feeling out of whack, it may be because your calendar doesn’t reflect what’s most important to you. And you’re in charge of your life and business so you get to make the decisions needed to get yourself feeling good again.

Book time alone.

Schedule a hike.

Read a book in the sun.

Choose your partner.

Choose your friends.

Opened up those clenched fists.

There’s always time to recalibrate.

— Jenni

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Curious about my background? I’m a writer and business coach living in Central Oregon. My goal is to teach everyone who will listen that it’s possible to build a simple, stable, successful business that support your human needs first. Join my group coaching program, SUSTAIN, for more conversations like this (and a community of people who are all about the path less taken), and follow me on Twitter & Instagram.