Taming expectations

Why the gap between the bar you've set and your reality is causing suffering

Mindset Mastery is a weekly newsletter about the psychology of self-employment from Jenni Gritters. If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while and you receive value from it, I’d encourage you to sign up for a paid membership. By doing so, you’re also helping me make business coaching for self-employed folks more accessible to all.

Hey writers: I dropped a new freebie for you last week! It’s a guide to planning a writing pivot, with 22 different ways you can use your core competencies to earn more money outside of traditional journalism and media, in other industries like marketing, publishing, small business copywriting and beyond.

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Today I’m trying a little something new: A bunch of you asked for video content (and Substack is excitedly promoting it). I usually share videos on Instagram but for the next few months, I’m going to share a bit of that here, too!

For your first video edition of Mindset Mastery, we’re talking about expectations. The gap between what we expect and what happens in reality often explains how much suffering we experience.

So often, we try to make ourselves perfect and unimpeachable in the workplace. We set high expectations in an effort to stay safe. But when those expectations are inhuman, we can feel like we are constantly failing, constantly being asked to give too much. And these high expectations keep us alienated from the people around us because we aren’t allowed to be full human beings. I’m convinced that heightened expectations are actually what lead to burn out.

Here’s how to readjust your expectations with kindness so you can experience more joy and freedom every day:

Your homework is to make two lists for yourself:

• a list of what you’re expecting yourself to do and who you’re expecting yourself to be at work and in business

• a list of what the reasonable, kind part of you would expect from a friend in your situation

Slowly, slowly, work to measure yourself against the second list instead of the first. I can tell you from experience: It’s a game changer.

xo,

Jenni

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Curious about my background? I’m a writer and business coach based in Central Oregon. I have two small children and I work part-time so I can spend a lot of time with them. Lately, I’ve been obsessed with non-linear business building and teaching people how to build successful businesses that support their human needs first. Check out my coaching offerings here, and follow me on Twitter & Instagram.