What You Believe, You Create
What do you want to believe about yourself?
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Hey everyone,
I’m writing to you from deep in the trenches of maternity leave, where I spend most of my days covered in baby spit up and wrangling a tantruming toddler. My life at the moment feels zoomed in, like my nose is an inch above the ground. And somehow, my days also feel incomparably gratifying – probably because there’s no room for extra angst or thought. The needs of each day are so extensive that I’m simply doing. For someone with an anxious brain, this is a relief!
Today I want to talk to you about a topic that’s been on my mind a lot in the past month: Identity. Or, put another way, who we believe we are in this world, in our businesses, and in our lives.
If you asked me to describe myself right now, I’d likely offer you a list of my roles. And I might also add some of the qualities that I believe define me in the workplace. The list would look something like this:
I’m a mom to two kids.
I’m a freelance writer.
I’m a business coach.
I’m a wife, sister, daughter and friend.
I’m enthusiastic.
I’m a business owner.
I’m creative.
I’m highly organized.
I’m good at managing money.
I’m a teacher.
I’m self-motivated.
These are the good ones. But along with this list of positive traits, I also have negative traits that I carry with me. For example, I also believe that I’m:
Highly anxious and worried about the future
Self critical
Easily bored
Too enthusiastic
Pulled in too many directions because of “shiny object” syndrome, which can mean a lack of focus
In coaching, we see all of these identity traits as created beliefs. When you show up in any situation, you carry a map of these beliefs that you express to those around you. But here’s the key place where we have control: Some of these beliefs aren’t ones we chose. For example, my belief that I’m too enthusiastic has been around since I was a kid. I was loud, I asked a lot of questions, and I was constantly moving. This often annoyed my parents, and they made efforts to calm me down. Thus, I grew up thinking that my natural state was “too much,” and “too loud” (hi, gremlin). This belief wasn’t mine to begin with, but it quickly became a defining factor of my life that I tried to compensate for, over and over again.
Another example: “I am easily bored.” I attended a Montessori preschool, which meant I entered kindergarten already knowing how to read. So during the time designated to teach other kids how to read, I was bored. I had nothing to do. And the teachers noticed, so they asked me to tutor my peers or work ahead – alone – in the back of the classroom. These days, I still fight with feeling guilty and embarrassed when I’ve mastered something more quickly than the people around me.
These traits are part of what my coaching program, IPEC, calls your “who-ville.” WHO you are is defined by society, people in your life, childhood experiences, and beyond. And who you are determines what you do. So if you want to change your actions, you usually have to change your beliefs.
For better or for worse, we’re all a mosaic of these externally-grown beliefs. And sometimes, these beliefs serve us! For example, my parents encouraged me to excel at math from a young age and thus, I learned how to manage money well. This translated into the adult belief that I am good with money, which has been incredibly helpful in my life and business. But sometimes these beliefs don’t serve us. When I fall into that “I feel guilty that I’m bored” rut, I will often stay in place versus pursuing a new project that interests me. When I do this, I feel anxious and stuck. This belief holds me back.
When I work with folks in a business coaching setting, identity-based beliefs come up pretty early on. What we believe about ourselves determines what we build, the goals we set, what we believe we can achieve, and how we show up in conversations with potential clients and other freelancers. Our businesses are literally physical products of what we think we can achieve, and so often the blocks we’re facing are put there by… us. Plus, these beliefs often become compensations. For example, when we believe we’re not smart enough, we work extra hard, take all of the online classes and pay seven coaches to tell us what to do. Really, the work that needs to be done there is an interrogation of why you think you’re not smart enough! If we can loosen the grip on that belief, there’s suddenly room for growth. Here are some examples:
The belief “I’m bad at managing money” can lead you to ignore your finances, which can trickle down to not making enough money and feeling constantly stressed.
The belief “I’m good with money” can help you set up financial systems that give you better control over your money, which can help you build wealth.
The belief “I’m not productive” can lead you to work even slower because you’re constantly criticizing yourself for your lack of speed.
The belief “I’m productive” gives you permission to work in your unique way, based on systems you’ve put in place. It also allows you to choose projects you can do more quickly, if that’s your goal.
The belief “I’m a poor writer” can mean agonizing over sentences, enduring sleepless nights and panicking each time you send a new draft to an editor.
The belief “I’m a good writer” can lead you to feel confident pitching ideas to new editors, and it helps you feel more resilient when your ideas get rejected.
The belief “I’m a cautious person” can make you… a cautious person! This belief creates someone who doesn’t take advantage of opportunities.
The belief “I’m a courageous person” builds an identity of constantly looking for opportunities, which means seeing more opportunities and trying more new things.
Identity work is lifelong. Over the past few years, I’ve come to understand that life often occurs in seasons. And during each season, your identity will shift. You have permission to be 30 different people in 30 different years. So if you don’t love the season you’re in, hang tight – better is coming. But you also have the power to welcome in that better mindset right now by looking at your identity and asking: How did I get this belief? Do I want to take it with me? What do I want to believe about myself?
It really is up to you.
Here’s my answer to that question, in this season: I want to believe that I’m intentional about the projects I choose to take on. I want to believe that I’m present in the current moment, both at work and with my family. I want to believe that I have the courage to create the projects that have been waiting on the back burner for some time. I want to believe that I have the capacity to care for the people in my life and those in my coaching practice, without burning out. I want to believe that I am brave, playful and strong.
What you believe, you create.
Xoxo,
Jenni
PS. Digging this edition of mindset mastery? Sign up for the paid subscription, which comes with exercises you can use to implement these learnings in your own business. This month, you’ll get access to a creative exercise that depicts who you believe you are now, plus journal prompts to help you interrogate how you want to identify in this next season of your business and your life.
This was a great exercise. Some of the things I want to believe about myself are heavy.